Between a Rock and a Hard Spot

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I've been having somewhat of a quarter life crisis. The all too common question "What's next?" keeps circling around in my brain. I'm kind of happy, but I'm not content with where my life is headed. I'm just plain confused. I debated writing this on here, because let's face it, reading about other people's problems is not my cup of tea either, but this blog is a place for me to write down MY feelings, and you can choose whether or not to read on.

My main problem : I'm lonely.


That's the only word I can come up with to describe what I'm feeling at any given moment. Blame it on my depression. Blame it on my anxiety. Blame it on the fact that my boyfriend lives 6 hours away. It hit me really hard after this weekend ended. Being so close to the people that I love most, and having the time of my life, made me realize that I'm just not happy living here in Long Beach, mainly because I just feel alone 24/7. For the past two days I've been commuting the hour to and from school to be home, and honestly I've felt better. But, on Monday I couldn't shake the sadness that came over me when I had to say goodbye to my best friend as he headed back up to school with all his friends and I was stuck alone in L.A. And I cried. A lot...All.Day.Long. Puffy eyes followed (I'm that girl that can cry for 1 minute and have red eyes for the next two days).

I've been thinking a lot lately...why not leave Long Beach and take a year off of school or transfer and find what it is I REALLY wanna do with my life. I've switched majors from Business, to Communication, to Human Development, to Psychology and still am not sure what it is I want to do with my life. I've been lucky enough to have parents who above all else just want me to be HAPPY. I can't thank God enough for giving me an amazing Mom and Dad who support me no matter what. I know a lot of people who can't say the same thing.

Now, all there is left to do is make a decision. Any decision. I just need to do something to get me out of this funk. Something to make me happier and feeling less lonely. For now, I'll be commuting back and forth, from school to home. All I hope is that I somehow find the "right" thing to do, and I pray that it comes easily and quickly. I'll just keep doing the things that make me happy. Taking pictures of the things and people I love most. Venting on here when need be. Talking to you all and hopefully continuing to make new blogging friends. Driving up to Santa Cruz often to fill my heart with the love it needs. And spending time with the people who know me best.

It is not my hope to have you feel sorry for me in any way, but I do ask for your continued love and support as I take on this transitional phase of my life. Bare with me as I figure out what I'm going to do with "the rest of my life". (ok that may be a long time, but I hope you get my point).

On a happier note:
I can't express my immense amount of gratitude to have already had two lovely ladies hire me for revamping the look of their blogs, and it sure has gotten me to thinking: maybe this is where I'm headed? I guess it'll all work out in time, but is it too much to ask that this transition speed up a tad? I think not. If you need a blog design email me! I'm willing to work with the pricing to help build my portfolio, and see if this is something I do really want to pursue :)

If you made it this far, you rock! Thank you for your continued support and loyalty! Kisses to you all.


  1. Oh my goodness, I can completely understand how you are feeling and there is nothing worse than missing home and not sure what you are doing or where you are going and what it is you want to do with your life.

    I'm sorry you are going through this, but having gone through something similar it will pass. You will see the other side of it. These days I still don't know what I am doing or where I am going, I think the most important thing is to find what makes you happy and do it to the best of your ability. We are all put on this earth for a purpose and once we find it things get easier.

    I'm still looking for that purpose (or building up the courage to admit to myself what that purpose is) But, have faith that it will happen.

    In the mean time, soak up as much love from your family - it's obviously what you need right now.

    Best of luck!

  2. I completely understand lady. For awhile my boyfriend and I lived 3 hours (without a car) away from all of our family and friends. We didn't handle it well. It was lonely and depressing and I know I started feeling like a different person. But you do get through it that's for sure. You have to do what's right for you and no one else. If taking some time of school is what you need, it's probably for the best. But in the meantime, enjoy the time with your family and the love of your many readers :)
    Lauren xo

  3. Tori, you ROCK! You've identified an unrest and you're working through to find a solution. A lot of people aren't fortunate enough to even get that far. Keep up the great'll find what you need!

  4. I understand that. You'll get through it! Also, digging the new blog design.

  5. You'll be in my thoughts sweetheart! It is so hard to figure out what to do to make yourself happy sometimes and you should take all the time you need! In the same vein figuring out what you want to do with your life is the same challange, I still don't know at 31 haha...I love the idea of really taking your time and figuring out where you want to be and who you want to be, I REALLY wish I had done that earlier in life!
    Do what makes you happy love!

  6. I completely understand on almost all levels. I'll tell you my story in short: when my boyfriend and I decided to be together (finally after a few years of avoiding it) he lived in Ohio and I lived in Oregon. After a year, we moved to Connecticut together. I've had such a hard time adjusting. All my friends and all my family are in Oregon. It's really hard and I feel alone a LOT. In 6 weeks we're moving even FARTHER away, to Toronto for a year. I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it's hard. Keep your head up, you'll find your way :)


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